Analysis and recommendations
Brainfuse Provider Response Form
Welcome to the Writing Lab!
Analysis and recommendations regarding specific parts of your paper are included in the tutor response form. A copy of your paper is also posted below this form, and it includes additional comments in brackets. If you do not see the tutor’s comments or a tutor’s review appears to be missing, please contact info@brainfuse.com. For specific questions about your paper, please resubmit through the Brainfuse Writing Lab.
Thank you for choosing the Writing Lab. Best wishes with your revisions!
Part 1 – Organization
The paper reflects on the objectification of persons with disabilities.
The paper’s thesis statement appears to be, “At first glance, the society aims at supporting those individuals but, at the same time, the depiction of the disabled persons in media often objectifies their disabilities in order to inspire other people; such a phenomenon is referred to as ‘inspiration porn.’ However, it lacks clarity and a strong stance of your position (the submission indicates this is an argumentative/persuasive essay). In other words, the thesis should be telling the reader what needs to happen which will then be supported by the paper’s body. An example of this, “The media should refrain from presenting individuals with disabilities in a way which…”
As this is an argumentative essay, consider taking an active voice and alerting the reader to why this shouldn’t occur. What does this do to a person with a disability each time these images are shared? Consider creating an outline to better organize your thoughts and refer to it as you write your paper. An initial paragraph after the introduction could immediately define what inspiration porn is along with the subgenres you mention below and examples of each. Following topic sentences/paragraphs could then focus on your thoughts of objectification and devaluation with a conclusion that revisits your thesis and presents the reader with a call to action. What do you want the reader to do as a result of reading your work?
